Couples Therapy and Marriage Counselling in Calgary

Conscientia Counselling provides affordable couples therapy, marriage, and pre marriage counselling in Calgary. Human beings are hardwired for connection. Falling in love is the easy part, staying in love is the hard part. Did you know that on average, when couples feel something is not right in the relationship they wait around 6 years before they seek help? Couples counselling is mainly, about learning how to communicate and receive communication better, how to navigate conflicts (yes, conflicts are inevitable). Additionally, we explore emotional injuries and we learn the other side of the story. Basically, it is about learning to listen to understand, not to respond.

What is couples therapy in Calgary for?

Marriage in Calgary, and around the world, is rapidly losing its traditional value. As women have become more independent and autonomous, people increasingly see relationships and marriage as a loss of personal freedom. Non-traditional relationships have become more popular, and the roles of men and women in marriage have changed significantly.

Marriage used to be based on respect and even fear. Few women wanted to end their marriages because society strongly disapproved, and there were no legal protections for them. A woman who divorced often became an outcast, struggling to survive. Meanwhile, men often led dissolute lives while maintaining an official family. Historically, the concept of marriage was strong, but was there mutual happiness? It’s doubtful since marriage was largely sustained by the co-dependency, the patience and the fear of women.

Today, marriage has become a significant concern for men. Women are no longer afraid of divorce because the law and society support them. Men fear being abandoned, as statistics show that women initiate most divorces. Issues like spousal support and property division discourage men, making the institution of marriage seem like a relic of the past. The questions is, what can be done about it and will it work? Is it wise to throw the baby with the bathwater? Is it necessary to re-invent the wheel? Maybe, for you that’s what it takes. This is where couples’ therapy comes in.

Couples Therapy at Conscientia Counselling in Calgary is designed to help you build the version of happiness that works for you, based on built values and goals. It is important to consciously and completely understand whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. As a team, we help you construct what works for you, we help you bridge the gap between the relationship you two have and the one you both want to have.

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What method do we use during marriage counseling in Calgary?

The Gottman Method for Couples is one of the most popular methods used in couple’s therapy. With over 35 years of research, John, Julie and the Gottman Institute have studied thousands of couples, families and their dynamics. The interventions they have created are the result of those studies and they are based on 7 main principles and two pillars, commitment and trust.

At the core of the best couples counselling in Calgary is the “Sound Relationship House” theory, which outlines the key elements necessary for a healthy and lasting relationship. These components include, firstly, building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, creating shared meaning, and maintaining a positive perspective.

Furthermore, the method identifies four toxic communication patterns known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Recognizing and addressing these patterns and replacing them with their antidotes can significantly improve communication and conflict resolution in a relationship.

Unquestionably, the interventions are very effective when working with most of the issues that bring couples to therapy, issues such as communication issues, infidelity, trauma, disconnection, and much more. However, it also helps healthy couples strengthen their relationship by reconfiguring and reconnecting with what matters to them, increase intimacy and feel closer.

Calgary couples therapy based on the Gottman method involves a specific plan. We start with a meeting with both partners, which is followed by an individual meeting with each of them. The goal is to gather as much information as possible from a neutral perspective. The third meeting (and all the following) are again with both partners and it serves to set the course of therapy.

Happily Ever After – myth or reality?

In couples therapy in Calgary, Alberta, we often hear about fading feelings and conflicts that obscure the good aspects of a relationship. Many wonder why everything was so wonderful in the beginning, filled with love, but now seems so difficult. This leads to the common question: is it true that love only lasts for three years? If love has faded, should we tolerate it, or is it better to find a new relationship and create a new three-year cycle of love?

To understand this, we need to consider the concept of infatuation and attachment styles. Infatuation is fueled by a combination of the release of a large amount of hormones in our bodies, such as dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins and the stories we have created in our minds about what romantic love looks like. Under the influence of these hormones, we become completely focused on our romantic partner and their positive traits. We ignore red flags and whether or not we actually like this person. While this surge of hormones is wonderful, it cannot be permanent. Studies show that after about three years, the level of hormone release in a relationship drops significantly. This decline often leads to breakups, a sense of loss, increased cortisol levels, and a new cycle of infatuation. This hormone-feel state is often mistaken for love and even though is part of the process, it’s not only love.

There is a wonderful saying: “It is not beauty that causes love, but love that creates beauty.” Beauty quickly fades, just like infatuation, but love, once it appears, can only grow stronger.

The other component is attachment styles (i.e. secure or insecure). If we have insecure attachment patters, we are very likely to see and feel a skewed version of the relationship. Unfortunately, as adults we relate to our romantic partners in the way we learn to relate to our parents, we repeat those patterns. We don’t always learn to love or what love feels like in the context of our family of origin. We use what we learn about romantic love from fairy tales, Disney movies and very often from romantic movies and before we know it we are in trouble. Couples therapy in Calgary, Alberta successfully helps couples to see true love and embark on the path to building a happy family.

Couples Therapy and Marriage Counselling in Calgary

What is couples therapy in Calgary for?

What method do we use during marriage counseling in Calgary?

Happily Ever After – myth or reality?

Conscientia Counselling

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