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Conscientia Counselling provides affordable couples therapy, marriage, and pre-marriage counselling in Calgary.
Human beings are hardwired for connection. Falling in love is the easy part; staying in love is the hard part. Did you know that on average, when couples feel something is not right in the relationship, they wait around 6 years before they seek help?
Couples counselling is mainly about learning how to communicate and receive communication better, how to navigate conflicts (yes, conflicts are inevitable). Additionally, we explore emotional injuries, and we learn the other side of the story. Basically, it is about learning to listen to understand, not to respond.
The concept of marriage and relationships in Calgary, and around the world, is changing. People increasingly see relationships and marriage as a loss of personal freedom. Non-traditional relationships have become more popular, and the roles of men and women in relationships in general are changing significantly.
Many unhealthy marriages were based on dependency and even fear. Few women wanted to end their marriages because society strongly disapproved, and there were no legal or financial protections for them. A woman who divorced often became an outcast, struggling to survive. Meanwhile, men often led dissolute lives while maintaining an official family. Historically, the concept of marriage was strong, but was there mutual happiness? Marriage was largely sustained by co-dependency, patience and fear for many women.
Today, the topic of marriage is a hot topic. Women are no longer afraid of divorce because the law and society support them. Some men struggle with the new status quo, while statistics show that women initiate most divorces. Issues like spousal support and property division are discouraging, making the institution of marriage seem like a relic of the past. The question is, what can be done about it, and will it work? Is it wise to throw the baby with the bathwater? Is it necessary to re-invent the wheel? Maybe, but more importantly, what does this mean to you and your marriage or long-term relationship? This is where couples therapy comes in.
Couples Therapy at Conscientia Counselling in Calgary is designed to help you build the version of happiness that works for you, based on your values and goals. It is important to consciously and completely understand whether this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. As a team, we help you construct what works for both of you. We help you bridge the gap between the relationship you have and the one you both want to have.
The Gottman Method for Couples is one of the most popular methods used in couples therapy. With over 35 years of research, John, Julie and the Gottman Institute have studied thousands of couples, families and their dynamics. The interventions they have created are the result of those studies, and they are based on 7 main principles and two pillars: commitment and trust.
At the core of the best couples counselling in Calgary is the “Sound Relationship House” theory, which outlines the key elements necessary for a healthy and lasting relationship. These components include, firstly, building love maps, sharing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other, managing conflict, making life dreams come true, creating shared meaning, and maintaining a positive perspective.
Furthermore, the method identifies four toxic communication patterns known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” – criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Recognizing and addressing these patterns and replacing them with their antidotes can significantly improve communication and conflict resolution in a relationship.
Unquestionably, the interventions are very effective when working with most of the issues that bring couples to therapy, issues such as communication issues, infidelity, trauma, disconnection, and much more. However, it also helps healthy couples strengthen their relationship by reconfiguring and reconnecting with what matters to them, increasing intimacy and feeling closer.
Calgary couples therapy based on the Gottman method involves a specific plan. We start with a meeting with both partners, which is followed by an individual meeting with each of them. The goal is to gather as much information as possible from a neutral perspective. The third meeting (and all the following) is again with both partners, and it serves to set the course of therapy.
In addition to the Gottman Method for couples, our therapists might also implement elements from IFS, TA, CBT and more.
In couples therapy in Calgary, Alberta, we often hear about fading feelings and conflicts that obscure the good aspects of a relationship. Many wonder why everything was so wonderful in the beginning, filled with love, but now seems so difficult. This leads to the common question: Is it true that love doesn’t last? If love has faded, should we tolerate this new state, or is it better to find a new relationship and create a new short-lived cycle of love?
To understand this, it helps to look at infatuation and attachment styles. Infatuation is driven by a surge of hormones in the body. These hormones include dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins.
Infatuation is also shaped by the stories we carry about what romantic love should look like. During this stage, our brain is strongly focused on our romantic partner. We pay close attention to their positive traits. At the same time, we often ignore red flags or overlook whether we truly like the person.
This hormone-driven stage can feel intense and exciting. However, it is not meant to last forever. Research shows that after about three years, hormone levels in a relationship drop significantly.
When this happens, many couples experience emotional distance. Some relationships end during this phase. People may feel grief, loss, or increased stress, including higher cortisol levels. This often leads to the start of a new cycle of infatuation with someone else.
Because this stage feels so powerful, it is often mistaken for love. While infatuation is a natural part of bonding, it is only one part of love. Long-term relationships require more than hormones alone.
There is a wonderful saying: “It is not beauty that causes love, but love that creates beauty.” Beauty quickly fades, just like infatuation, but love, once it appears, can only grow stronger.
The other component is attachment styles (i.e. secure or insecure). If we have insecure attachment patterns, we are very likely to see and feel a skewed version of the relationship. As adults, we relate to our romantic partners in the way we learn to relate to our parents; we repeat those patterns. We don’t always learn to love or what love feels like in the context of our family of origin. We use what we learn about romantic love from fairy tales, Disney movies and very often from romantic movies, and before we know it, we are in trouble. Couples therapy in Calgary, Alberta, successfully helps couples to see true love and embark on the path to building a happy family.
Did you know that when there are issues in the relationship, on average, couples wait 6 years before they seek help? Most times, by then it is too late. If you notice or feel your relationship is struggling, give us a call today and book a consultation session. If your relationship is struggling with:
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